Stair Master

Well, due to a broken water main at my son's school, we had to keep him home today.  My wife took him for the morning, and I took over in the afternoon.  He usually goes down for a nap after lunch, and when I went to wake him up, I asked Boney if he wanted to tag along.  He eagerly jumped at the chance to explore the upstairs a little.  The stairs posed a little bit of a challenge, as he had to really drag himself up each step along the way.  He was pretty exhausted when we finally got to the top, so I carried him into my son's room.

I set him down on the steps into my son's bed, and he pulled himself over the railing into the bed and gently rubbed my son's back and hair, whispering him softly awake.  My son was a little surprised to find Boney's smiling face staring back at him when he opened his eyes.  He probably thought he was still lost in his dreams.

Boney was not up for climbing back down the stairs, so I begrudgingly acquiesced to his request to slide down the bannister.  It was going okay until he got to the bottom and the post topper slammed in between his legs.  He might no longer have his former anatomical parts, but the wince of pain he emitted showed that limbs are not the only thing that can still bring phantom feeling.

Sulking

I finally located Boney's secret Oreo stash and stole back my cookies.  I guess he didn't think I'd ever think to look in the bottom of the dirty clothes basket.  Process of elimination...I'd already looked everywhere else.  Boney has been mad at me all day, and he's been sitting on the edge of the table sulking.  I tried to give him a single Oreo cookie (minus the cream, which I had licked out first), but he refused my peace offering.

Summer Olympics

There really is nothing this skeleton can't do.  I guess with all of the free time on his hands, Boney has decided to try out for the next Summer Olympics.  His sport of choice is gymnastics, and he was flaunting his flexibility with some painful looking moves.  The only thing he's lacking is the musculature to really take him to the next level of competition.

Flashdance

And just when I didn't think Boney could abuse the chair I'd gotten him anymore than he already had, I came down to this today.  Either he was mesmerized by something on the light over the table, or he was reenacting that iconic scene from Flashdance.

Excuse me...but I think you've got my chair...

I figured out today that I could use the stand for our iPad as a makeshift chair for Boney.  The little lip on the bottom is perfect for holding his thin little legs, and there's a cutout that perfectly fits his protruding pelvis too.  I can adjust the angle to have it upright or shift to a more reclined position.  Now, Boney can be more comfortable as he sits and longingly watches us eat our food in front of him.

Of course, you can't always depend on a skeleton to use the chair correctly.  Sometimes, I feel like he's more like a child than a full-grown bag of bones.

Corn Cob

We got my son some corn on the cob tonight for dinner, because it's usually one of his favorite foods.  He was pulling one of his usual toddler stubborn things and refusing to eat.  At one point, he even turned completely around in the chair to look out the window and ignore my goading to "have another bite."  And that's when Boney struck!  

Quick as lightning, he darted over to the unguarded plate and sank his large white teeth into the succulent yellow kernels, ripping a few off with the bite and chewing on them rapidly.  By the time my son had figured out what was going on, Boney had already cleared an entire row of corn.  My son backhanded him off the table, and Boney tumbled to the floor in a heap.  When I ran to check on him, I found him lying there with a big grin plastered on his face.  Sticks and stone may break my bones, but I still stole a whole row of your corn first!

Epic Backfire

Well, my plan to feed Boney to the Mosasaurus backfired.  I'm not sure how that charming little skeleton managed it, but somehow he made friends with the swimming dinosaur.  I found the two of them palling around today, Boney riding on the Mosasaurus' back.  I might have been mad, but it was a pretty epic thing to do.  I gotta give Boney kudos for pulling off something so awesome.

Sweet Thief

I've had a strange addiction for sweet tea lately.  At first, it started out as a treat every once in a while, but now I'm craving it every day.  I have been trying unsuccessfully to wean myself off of it, but I caved today and went to Sonic's Happy Hour to get one.  I took a couple of swigs and then set the full cup down on the table to go move a load of laundry.  When I came back, Boney was sucking the last few drops out of the cup.  He had drunken the entire thing!  The cup was bone dry.  I swear!  You leave your sweet tea alone for five seconds, and a mischievous skeleton is going to drink it!

First the Oreos, and now the sweet tea.  Boney has crossed a line.  I'd finally had enough of his selfish antics, so I fed him to the Mosasaurus.  I'm not sure the Mosasaurus will get much of a meal off of him, but maybe he can use him as a toothpick or something.

Push Plank

I have no idea what Boney was trying to do today, but while I was eating lunch, he just unexpectedly flipped over on the table and started pushing up on his unsteady little arms.  He got his chest barely off the table and then just stopped.  He stayed in that half pushed-up, half lying on the table position for several minutes before he collapsed back down again.  I couldn't tell if it was a successful plank or an unsuccessful push-up.  I guess it could have been some weird hybrid, like a push plank or something.  Either way, he only attempted the one, and then he sat up again and went back to watching TV with me.

Ice Cold Autopsy

Boney never revealed the location of the Oreos, but there's only so many places he could have hidden them.  They will be found!  Unfortunately for me, and fortunately for Boney, my son rescued him from the wall of torture.  He got to spend a semi-comfortable night undisturbed on the table.  I found him this morning sleeping under a paper towel that he'd found.  I guess he'd gotten cold in the night and grabbed the first thing he'd found as a makeshift blanket.  With no body fat to keep him warm, I guess it makes sense.

My father pointed out that he thought Boney was on the table for an autopsy.  I guess that could work too.  He had a "sheet" covering all the important bits, and he was lying still enough to appear dead.  I'm not sure they'd be able to tell much from just his skeleton; except that he was a male between the ages of 30 and 35, had been in good health, had played a relatively violent sport like football or rugby in which he had sustained several broken bones in his fingers and feet, didn't smoke or drink coffee, had a weakness for cookies and brownies, and had ridden horses on a frequent basis at some point in his life.  Besides that, there's really nothing to glean from such a sparse collection of evidence.

Cookie Torture

Boney made a grave error.  While we were sleeping last night, he apparently snuck into the pantry and stole my bag of Oreo cookies!  When I questioned him about it, he refused to say anything, so I had no choice but to torture him for the information.  He has been hanging upside down from the light switch all day, but he still won't give up the hidden location of the cookies.  He may be tough, but I'm very patient, and with cookies on the line, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes.

Bird Watching

My wife put food in the hummingbird feeder yesterday, and this morning we had a hummingbird stop by for breakfast!  I had seen the bird checking the feeder out a few days ago, but I didn't expect him to find the food so quickly.  A few minutes later, a female hummingbird flew up to drink as well.  Then, all morning long, the two of them took turns hitting the feeder and then sitting in our tree.  Several times throughout the day, I came downstairs to find Boney sitting casually on the table and watching the birds out the window.  He seems like a very deep skeleton.

Spin Me Right Round

Boney is sufficiently recovered from his disastrous fall.  He might have a concussion, and I had to pop a few joints back into place, but he's a trooper!  After an Oreo cookie to help him recover, he was back up and looking for his next adventure.  Unfortunately, the only adventure that he found was helping me do laundry.  But he approached it with his usual good nature and toothy smile.

Sadly, his finger got caught in a belt loop, and he fell into the dryer.  I didn't realize he was in there until I heard a thumping sound coming from the drum as the clothes tumbled slowly in a circle.  At first, I thought it was a pair of wet pants or something, but then I saw a terrified faced pressed against the glass of the door.  I promptly turned off the dryer and pulled a semi-wet and very scared Boney out.  I'm not sure if he'll volunteer for laundry duty any time in the immediate future.  Needless to say, it's been a rough day all around for my skeleton friend.

Parachute Test - Take 1

I was doing laundry today, and I went upstairs to get my son's bedding.  Somewhere along the way, his pillow case fell out on the floor, and I discovered it later.  I threw it over the railing and watched it catch the air, inflate, and float gently to the floor.  I was struck with a revelation, and I immediately gathered my son and "always up for adventure" skeleton and headed back upstairs.  My son and I tied Boney's arms to the sides of the pillow case, doing a few small test runs to make sure that he was securely attached.  We were ready for the first real test over the balcony.

I headed back downstairs to film this iconic first in parachute lore, and my son positioned himself by the railing.  At my signal, he dropped Boney over the edge.  I watched in horror as Boney plummeted to the earth, the uninflated parachute flapping behind him.  He landed on the tile with a thud, the useless parachute covering him like a death shroud.  We're going to chalk this test up as a failure.  Based on the "having just fallen from a second story window" contortionistic pose that Boney is in, I don't think there will be a second test.

Hangover Cure

Well, I guess the Tylenol did the trick, because Boney appears to be feeling a little better after his wild night of partying.  He still won't talk about what he did.  I guess what happens in a pub crawl, stays in a pub crawl.  But at least I was able to pry him off the table and get him more comfortable on the couch.  He has been enjoying watching my son play with his dinosaur toys all afternoon.

Pub Crawl

Everyone knows that Friday night is party night, and Boney was out all last night and into the early morning hours today.  He asked me if I wanted to join him and his friends, but I declined.  I'm not as young as I used to be, and staying up all night doesn't seem like quite the fun prospect as it did.  I'm not sure what exactly he did, but from the looks of him this morning, he participated in a pub crawl.  I found him passed out on the table still clutching a Crown Royal bottle in his cold fingers.  I thought it was safer to just let him sleep, so I placed a couple Tylenol and a glass of water by him and quietly tiptoed away.

Moody

I have no idea what was going on with Boney tonight.  Maybe his back was sore, and he was trying to stretch it out.  Maybe he was just trying to get attention.  When we sat down to eat dinner, he was laying there with his feet up in the air.  He held them like that for quite a while, just moving his feet up and down, his ankle joints popping every once in a while.  He didn't say anything, and we didn't ask.  At some point, he rolled off the table and went to watch TV with T-Rex.  I guess he's in a mood tonight.

Tanning

As I prepared my son's breakfast this morning, I noticed that Boney was laying on the table, enjoying the sun and trying to get a little tan on his bones.  I'm not sure exactly what he expected to happen, since tanning usually requires skin, but all he managed to do was to bleach his bones and get whiter!

Dead

Well, I was right about Boney jumping in the deep end with sharks before he could swim!  I got up this morning to find him laid out on the table, moaning.  I guess that first day of yoga really did him in.  He moaned louder when I told him that being sore wasn't going to get him out of doing Day 2 though.  He seems less enthusiastic and less supportive now than two days ago.

Yoga Buddy: Part 2

So, I started my yoga sessions today, doing an online version on YouTube, and Boney decided to watch with me.  I guess we can all use better fitness, even a muscleless skeleton.  I decided to do a beginner's class, since I have never done yoga before, and I don't know what to expect from myself.  Boney decided to jump right into the advanced class.

At first, I thought he was going to be quickly in over his head, but then he started busting out these poses like it was no big deal.  I decided not to be put off by this, but to instead draw inspiration from it.  It wasn't like Boney was rubbing it in my face.  He was just getting into the swing of things and being supportive.

We both made it through, and I dare say that we were both feeling it afterward.  We used things that we obviously don't use very often, and even though it felt good to stretch them out, I'm expecting to feel sore before the evening is through.  The corpse pose at the end was a welcome relief, and of course, Boney was a natural at it!

Yoga Buddy

I've been looking to start a new yoga series to work on my flexibility and strength, but I needed some inspiration to encourage me to get on it.  I came downstairs this evening to find Boney powering through a few poses to show me that it wasn't a big deal.  I mean if a skeleton can do it, then I should be able to give it a fair go.  It was just what a needed to finally take the plunge!

Blood Rush

Today, we took Boney upstairs to play on my son's jungle gym.  He immediately got into the swing of things, climbing up the iron tubing and hanging upside down from one of the cross pieces.  He stayed like for a few minutes before all of the blood rushed to his skull, and he passed out and fell to the floor.  My son slapped him around a little, and he was good to go for a another round.  He's a resilient skeleton, I'll give him that. 

Let's Ride!

Boney found my son's bicycle today and decided to take it for a spin.  His legs aren't long enough to reach the pedals, so I had to give him a push, but he did pretty well steering around obstacles.  The manual version is probably not going to work well, but maybe I'll consider getting him a motorized "hog" at some point.

Of course next thing you know he'll be strutting around the house in a black leather jacket and motorcycle helmet.  He'll end up joining a motorcycle gang of other toy skeletons, probably named something like Death's Angels or the Slim Reapers.  His "posse" will show up unannounced at our house, eating food out of my refrigerator and calling me Boney's "old man."

On second thought, I think I'll just tie some blocks to his feet like that kid in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and he can learn to pedal the bicycle like a normal skeleton.

Basket Case

Buying that skeleton was the best $6.00 that I ever spent!  My son has been playing with him all afternoon.  We've had a blast stuffing him places and tying him to things.  I'm not sure the skeleton is enjoying being tortured quite as much as we have enjoyed torturing him though.  But he has been a good sport about it.

I even shared the revelation of our new house guest with my father and stepmother.  In addition to loving the wacky stories, my father even inspired the skeleton's new name.  So, world, meet Boney.

The Making of a Legend

My son was home from daycare today, so I took him to Party City to look around.  He's generally a great shopper in the sense that he loves looking at things without usually asking me to buy him anything.  I figured Party City had enough selection to entertain him for a while.  When we walked inside the door, we were greeted by their Halloween selection being put out way too early.  On one of the racks we discovered these plastic skeleton toys with moveable joints, and my son was instantly drawn to them.  They had them in various sizes, but I decided to buy him a small one as a treat.  My son was so excited that he carried that skeleton all over the store!  It wasn't too expensive, but it looks like it's a hit already.